Don’t you dare turn out the lights! Don’t even think about sneaking up on me if I am deep in thought and busy with something! If the electricity goes out, and I’m not prepared, it’s hellish for me. I am afraid of the dark. I am almost sixty-seven years old, and I have been afraid of the dark for as long as I can remember. The thing is….I don’t know why.

When I was just a little girl I used to have a nightlight on in my bedroom because I was afraid of the dark. I couldn’t stand my door being shut and the light turned off. So, my parents gave me a cute little nightlight and left the door open for me. After my bedtime hugs and kisses, many times I would take a quick look under the bed to make sure there wasn’t anyone or anything under there. Of course, nothing was ever under my bed, but I just had to check. Once I did, I felt more comfortable about sleeping.

This fear never went away. It wasn’t just some childhood passing. That fear stayed with me for the rest of my life. I have tried to think deeply and reflect on what could have caused this fear. Nothing ever comes to mind, I don’t get a flashback, nor do I remember anything necessarily bad. My husband prefers a dark room, but he’s understanding and allows me a dim nightlight. In fact, we have nightlights all over the house. And…now that I’m older, we actually leave on the lights in the kitchen that can be dimmed and are LED lights.

I guess in the same category, I get particularly frightened if someone walks up on me unexpectedly. If I have my back turned, I’m deep in thought, or I don’t hear you coming….look out! You could be in for a bruising. My poor husband has suffered a smack or a punch on more than one occasion. Now, he clears his throat, scuffles his feet, or calls my name before approaching. No more punches. That’s especially good if I’m at the counter wielding a knife while preparing a meal.

When I think about it those two fears, I obviously don’t like being surprised at all. I don’t like being caught off guard. And yet, I don’t know where this comes from in my young life. Should I be hypnotized? What would give me the answer? The feeling of being frightened is just awful. Your heart feels as though it wants to jump out of your chest, then it beats so fast it’s as though you were running a marathon, and you breathe rapidly, as well. Sometimes there’s difficulty in catching your breath or you breath rapidly. Then your stomach is tight or you feel disoriented for just a minute. It’s just plain awful!

I did a little research on the fear of being startled. I really couldn’t find anything specific other than anxiety and post traumatic stress. Again, I don’t know why though. I like what James Stephens once said, “Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.” Thanks, James! So maybe if I research some more or talk to someone, and I’ll get a deeper understanding of what is going on here. However, since I prefer to solve problems with positivity, I am fond of the quote by George R.R. Martin, “Laughter is poison to fear.” On the other hand, that’s hard to do if you don’t know someone is coming. But, I’ll give that a whirl sometime.

We all have fears and phobias. To others that may seem ridiculous or trite, but to the person who has that fear, they are real. Please don’t laugh at them when they are standing there trembling with their heart racing. Soothe your loved one or friend, apologize for frightening them, or show some understanding. Do you have a fear, or do you know someone who does? Until then…..have a tremendous Tuesday, be safe, and I love you.