The dread. The dread of starting “the prep” the day before a colonoscopy. The first step is to read your instructions to see what you can and can not eat so you can be prepared for the big “clean out”. So, you peruse your paperwork to make a list for a trip to the grocery store. Don’t worry! The list won’t be long. Broth, gelatin (no red or orange), and clear beverages. Sum total. No need to dilly dally in the store. You won’t be long.

Once you have your groceries at home, you’re at least halfway there for “prep day”. When I had to shop for my special day groceries I found some palatable gelatin already made. Pineapple was my favorite, but you may also like lemon-lime. That’s about it in choices. Don’t even think about adding fruit or whipped cream. Not allowed. Also…make sure you like the broth you picked out. I chose chicken because it reminded me of chicken noodle soup without the chicken. Without the noodles. Without the carrots, the celery, the onions, and the delicious seasonings. Okay…it tasted like broth. Period.

On the morning of prep day, you will be eagerly waiting for your breakfast of gelatin and clear tea. It’s okay to sweeten your tea, but no cream. Or, if you choose, you can have coffee, but no cream. Plain. Then, if nature has it’s way, you’ll eliminate your breakfast fairly promptly. As thus, it begins. Your cleansing ritual. Take some magazines, a glass of water, and some music for entertainment. By the time you’re done, you can join your family for lunch.

To make lunch absolutely pleasurable, heat up your broth and put it in your favorite bowl or cup. Or, if you really want to make it special, get out grandma’s old soup bowls and make it a party. Have whatever you want without color for your beverage. I treated myself to a sweetened ginger ale. Then, don’t forget, you get gelatin for dessert. Yum!

Around four o’clock or so, you are privileged to drink the most bitter and horrible solution ever designed. It’s purpose is to really clean you out. First, you drink the solution with 16 ounces of water fairly quickly. It’s so awful, you want to get it down just to get rid of it. Then you follow that with 32 more ounces of cold water. Next, run like heck!

Once again, you will be spending lots of time in the lavatory. Since they don’t make the Sears catalog anymore, you might want to consider the entire series of Harry Potter, War in Peace, or Stephen King’s The Stand. Or, you could wear your earbuds and play a symphony, listen to all of the Beatles songs on all 13+ albums, or hear an opera. Make the experience as pleasurable as possible.

You may or may not want your broth for dinner. If you do, no you can not have Chardonanny with it even though it would be delectable about this time, and it is clear. I know you would like to have something to crunch by now, but that’s on the no-no list, too. Also, don’t forget you have your gelatin for a nighttime snack should you desire.

Have an adult diaper? Highly suggested garment to don before bedtime. You just never know what may happen mid dream. You may want to go to bed late and arise early because you have a cocktail waiting for you early in the morning. Yep! You have to take that nasty solution with water again about 5:00 a.m. with it’s 32 ounces of water. Again, another love affair with your bathroom. If you’re like me, I sat in there and planned a new paint color, and shelf and cabinet color while daydreaming. Be careful, don’t fall asleep. You might fall off the john.

In a couple of hours you will be on your way to the center for your colonoscopy. Everything will have calmed down enough that you can shower and feel a lot better. Keep calm because the actual procedure is a piece of cake. Yes, your butt will be showing as you are walking to the testing room, but they have seen lots of butts. Yours is no different. So, plan your colonoscopy, it’s a test everyone should have. Do you have any particular experiences getting a colonoscopy? Until then….have a smiling Sunday, be safe, and I love you.