A long time ago someone once said, “You can’t understand someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.” The author is unknown to us, but those words have rung so true. How can we understand one another unless we were to be that person? We can have empathy. In fact, Maya Angelou summed it up perfectly when she said, “I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.”

The other day I got into a heated discussion with someone who was berating me for being neat and giving a hoot about how I keep house. This person is more relaxed with her housekeeping and doesn’t think it’s necessarily as important as I feel. She said I tend to “Keep up with the Jones’”, care too much about what others think, and spend way too much of my time cleaning, picking up, or keeping my house tidy.

Naturally my heart sank. I first explained that none of my neighbors are named Jones, so how could I keep up with someone not there? My bit of humor was not appreciated. She went on to repeat herself again! By this time, my mind was whirling. I did not want to get into an argument. That’s not me. I tried to defend myself, however, by saying, “Well, that’s just me!” I never try to keep up with the neighbors because they are totally different folks with different likes and dislikes. Why bother anyway. I prefer our style of living, decorating, flowers, trees, dirty trash cans, spider webs by the outdoor lights, and so forth. In other words, we do our thing, and our neighbors do theirs. Doesn’t this person see that? No, obviously not.

To get down to the nitty gritty. She was attacking me for being me. Yep! I do have a bit of OCD in me. If the dish detergent is slightly moved, of course I’m going to put it back. If I bend down to study the counter top for crumbs, water marks, or finger prints….so what! If my underwear is organized by color for ease of finding, that’s my business. But don’t attack me for being me! My psyche needs organization, order, color schemes, themes, sticky notes, etc. That makes ME feel complete. Obviously, she doesn’t understand.

To belittle or berate someone when “you haven’t walked in their shoes” is intolerable. Compassion, empathy, and understanding need to be part of one’s ability to communicate. I wish I had heard, “I understand your need to be neat and tidy. I’m just a slob at heart.” I would have felt much better.

Do you remember in the novel To Kill a Mocking Bird when Atticus Finch says, “If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

So, walk in their shoes. You’ll find a whole new world.